Losing My Stoicism

The RiverAnyone who says being stoic is easy is either lying or has been a practicing stoic for a long, long time. Because maintaining even the most basic level of stoicism is hard. At least it is for me.

I’ve been feeling out-of-sorts lately. Cranky. Discontent. Irritable. Bitchy. And I couldn’t figure out why. I was letting what other people did and said affect me and my mood.

You know, the opposite of being stoic.

It wasn’t until I was weeding my gardens that I was able to slow down enough to figure it all out. Today’s technology is a double-edged sword. Sure we get to know things more quickly, but damn we’re distracted.

Spending a couple of hours disconnected, unplugged is a great way to cut through the noise and figure shit out. Yard work is a great way to do just that. It also helps when the neighbors cooperate and sleep in on the weekends. I can almost pretend they aren’t there…

So I’m outside pulling weeds, marveling at the speed with which plants grow and I was finally able to pinpoint why I have been so cranky lately. My stoicism has been slipping. I’ve become too concerned with what others are doing and saying, including my neighbors.

But the real problem was that I was letting my irritation cause me to alter the course of my life. It was starting to cause me to make decisions that I might not otherwise make. Which led me to be cranky because I knew on an instinctual level that I was no longer in control of my own life.

I was losing my stoicism.

Thankfully I was weeding long enough to understand that life isn’t about reaching the end. I would do well to become comfortable with the idea that I’ll never be completely finished. There will always be another project, another goal, another dream.

Life is fluid, ever-changing and every last one of us are doing the best we can. And even if we lose our way as long as we’re still breathing we can find it again.

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