I’ll be happy when…

mag-4.jpgI’ll be happy when…

I can’t wait for…

My life can begin when…

Have you ever said anything like this? I know I have. And if I wasn’t saying it then I sure was thinking it.

I was never happy or content with what I had, even if what I had was something I had previously been working toward. I don’t know if it’s the way our brains are wired or the fact that we’re inundated with messages to always want more, but it’s almost impossible to be happy or content with what we have these days.

This is what I usually end up thinking about when I do yard work. So I highly recommend it if you’re trying to figure shit out. I think it has to do with actually slowing down enough to understand the thoughts running around in my head.

I was doing more yard work the other day when I heard one of my favorite songs – Broken Road by Rascall Flatts. There was a line in there that made me stop what I was doing because it hit me suddenly how futile it is to wait to be happy until we get what we think we want.

The line was:

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I’d like to have the time I lost and give it back to you

Just passing through…

Waiting for something to happen before I’m allowed to be happy…

Taking everything I do have for granted…

It made me remember a conversation I had with a former boss. He asked me what I wanted out of life. What my ultimate goal was. And like a fool I told him the grand plan I had for my life. He actually laughed at me and told me what I wanted was impossible. I should be happy to work until I’m 60 or 70 and then put in a garden.

I didn’t realize until now just how pivotal that conversation was. It cemented my belief that most people are not going to root for me. That I needed to keep my hopes and dreams and goals to myself most of the time – protect them. That I didn’t want or even need other people’s approval to do what I wanted to do with my life.

But the other day while I was working in my yard when I heard that song and remembered that conversation with my boss so vividly is when I finally realized that I am living the life I told him I wanted. It may not be on the acres and acres of land I’ve always dreamed of owning, but how can I ever convince R.J. to make that move if I can’t take care of the acre we have now?

If I can’t be happy with the acre I have now and the work that it takes to maintain it then how in the hell am I ever going to be happy with more?

The time to be happy is now. If there are things in my life that I don’t like then I need to take the steps to change them, but still be happy – content – because the difference in my life now from when I had that conversation with my boss at the time is night and day. I have so much to be grateful for that to refuse to be happy because there’s something else I want is ludicrous.

So don’t wait to be happy. Life is too damn short. And if you really think about it I’m sure you will find that you have at least one thing in your life right now that brings you joy and happiness. All you have to do is look…

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