Leaving Confrontation Behind

img283Today is an anniversary of sorts. It was one year ago today I was fired for the very first time. This past year has been a real eye-opener. All you have to do is look at all of my previous posts!

This job was a train wreck almost from the get go. I had only started 6 months prior and was threatened the very first week that I would be fired if I didn’t perform well at my job. And things went downhill from there…

I did get to meet two great kids – ha, I call them kids, but they weren’t that much younger than me. I like working with younger people who know and want to do what’s right. Oh, and are smart. Some younger people I’ve worked with seem to be missing something. I’m not sure what, but I’m always left shaking my head and wondering like some old fart.

So you may be wondering why I didn’t write anything about it at the time. I certainly could have. I was angry. I was hurt. I was devastated. Which is why I didn’t.

I also knew I was getting fired about a month prior. My boss didn’t say so, but the writing was on the wall so to speak.

We had a meeting where he thought I was questioning his authority, his ethics, and his manhood for all I know, but it caused him to physically lunge in my face and scream at me. I was able to defuse the situation with my job, but not my pride.

Oh, how that hurt me, because I knew it hadn’t been that long ago if I had been in the same situation I would have lunged right back in his face. There was a time when I liked nothing better than to tear someone apart with my words. I went looking for confrontation. I made excuses – I called them reasons – to be offended and make confrontation a righteous endeavor.

Then I met my former boss and I realized I could have been looking in a mirror. Not an exact mirror image, but some parts were close enough to make me want to sink into the floor instead of dealing with the embarrassment and shame of my past actions. Maybe that’s why I wasn’t in too much of a hurry to write a scathing post about the unfairness of it all.

Or maybe I was scared. I will admit the whole situation left me frightened. I saw how easy it could be to be led around by my emotions, wanting, needing confrontation just to feel okay or anything at all.

Looking back on it now, I suppose it could have been worse. If I had been my younger self it would have been. I know that now and it makes me glad I can say I left my desire for confrontation in the past.

It gives me time to enjoy my life and the people in it.

Now if I could just stop yelling at the neighbors for walking their dogs without leashes…

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