Last Time for Everything

img746There’s a last time for everything…

I heard a country song the other day with that title. I won’t go into details about the lyrics. They weren’t anything different from any other old-school country song.

But it did make me think.

The ultimate last time for everything is death. But that wasn’t where my mind headed. I was thinking about all the stupid – sometimes insanely fun – things I used to do and how I never did most of them anymore.

Sometimes I cringe when I remember the things I used to do, but no matter how dumb or dangerous they were there was never a moment where I stopped and thought, ‘What if this is the last time I ever do this?’

Of course I was young and when you’re young you really don’t have the presence of mind to actually think about things before you do them. Hell, I rarely thought about them after I did them, at least until much later.

Then there are things that happened that I wanted to do again but didn’t for one reason or another. I suppose there is still time since I am still breathing, but I know deep down that the moment has passed.

It was those things that this song made me think of. Things that were fun for a while and not bad for me or anyone else, but just don’t fit with who I am anymore. And I smiled sadly at the thought – at the memories of the girl I used to be.

It’s good to remember, though. It’s good to look back and see the differences between who I was, who I wanted to be, and who I actually became. I realize now that it’s still a work in progress and that’s cool too.

What’s really cool, though, is that all three are still roaming around somewhere inside of me. I’m still the little girl with all the fire and sass. I’m still the teenager with all the angst and rough edges. I’m still the adult who doesn’t have a clue most of the time. I’m still the middle-aged woman looking forward to years of uncomplicated, stress-free living.

But I had to let go of some things in order to become who I am. There had to be a last time for everything.

I won’t lie. It’s not easy to let go. It’s very bittersweet. It’s very necessary.

It makes me appreciate the things I do just a little bit more, because it may be the last time I get to do or experience them.

Wow…

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