Finding My Complement

img271There’s a lot written and said about finding your soul mate. It kind of goes hand in hand with love at first sight. It’s a romantic thought, but with the divorce rate hovering around 50% in the United States I have to wonder if it isn’t all a bunch of bull shit.

But then again I’ve been with R.J. for almost 20 years. And I certainly felt something the first time we made eye contact. Was it love at first sight? Have I found my soul mate?

It was more like I found my complement.

Time for a quick lesson in the English language – there are two different ways to spell complement and they mean different things. Who knew?

Anyway, the definition for complement is as follows:

a thing that completes or brings to perfection

Now all of you know how I feel about striving for perfection, but you get the idea. I guess I have my own definition anyway.

R.J. is my complement in that he is stronger in areas where I am weak and I like to think it works the same way for him. When I am frustrated and cranky he is able to remain calm and happy. When I become annoyed at our neighbors he’s able to talk me out of doing something I will regret later.

That ability used to make me so angry. I wanted my enemies to be his enemies. I wanted him as angry and belligerent as I was. I certainly didn’t want him to be nicer, happier, kinder than me.

What kind of person would that make me then?

We all know the answer to that one…

It took close to a decade, but his kind, gentle, consistent behavior finally started getting through – I no longer wanted to be angry or annoyed all the time. I started appreciating people even if I didn’t like them. Their behavior didn’t affect me quite so much.

It still stings when I’m reminded that I’m not being the person I want to be by something R.J. says or does, but I know that I’m closer than I’ve ever been. And as long as I’m willing I will continue to grow.

So are R.J. and I soul mates? Was it love at first sight? Are we going to live happily ever after?

It sure seems like we were meant to be together.

Not sure, but I knew something was starting that day.

Only if we work at it…


One thought on “Finding My Complement

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