I had a moment of clarity the other day as I was doing some final edits on my second book, Consequence. Or maybe it was a moment of panic. I’m still trying to decide. Either way there’s been a great storm of emotions brewing for several weeks now.
The doubt came and burrowed deep – Who do you think you are? What makes you think you could write anything worth reading? Why is it taking so long to be ‘discovered’?
I managed to quiet the doubt to a dull roar by some delusional thinking – This will be the one. This book will catch and I’ll be signed and then do a publicity tour. The Fallacy Trilogy will be the next Hunger Games. Everyone will know who I am…
Then the introvert took over – Everyone will know who I am?! NO. Can’t I just have everyone buy my books without ever wanting to see or meet me? They don’t even have to read them. After all I really wrote them for me – to prove I could.
There was a point when all of this was so mixed up in my head I just refused to even look at my book. And editing, forget it. If I started looking for mistakes the whole thing would unravel and I would have to start over – doubt always seems to take over.
But the other day I decided to take all three and stuff them in a mental box so I could take a look at my book. I was fortunate enough to have a couple of people I trust proofread it for me and give me feedback so I took their notes and some I had made and tried to be as objective as possible.
And, you know what? It wasn’t that bad. Is it as good as, say, my 10th book will be (if I should be so lucky)? Probably not. But that’s the point, isn’t it? To keep growing, learning, and getting better at this crazy profession I’ve chosen. But for right now, for what it is, I think it’s pretty damn good. Hopefully, other people will too.
And if they don’t?
See, that’s the goofy thing about this. I am writing for me. Does that make me special or different or anything? Not really. There are thousands of people out there just like me. Just trying to make a living at something we love to do –
Tell our stories.
Available April 4, 2017
Consequence – Book 2 Fallacy Trilogy
Fallacy – Read how it all began!