So Christmas is over. It’s strange how one day can reek such havoc on so many people’s lives. There’s such high expectations for the day and gifts and how people are supposed to treat each other. How unrealistic it is to demand that people forget the other 364 days of crap they had to put up with from us.
I was so stressed out yesterday about the gifts I had bought – if they would be good enough – and how I needed to react to my gifts. And then of course there was the family party. Being around a lot of people for an extended period of time is never easy for me, but this time it was especially awkward.
But I had good things to say. I had some pretty awesome things happen to me this year. I wanted to tell my family all about them.
I tried once…
The conversation devolved into how she was such a bad person because she hadn’t read my first book, Fallacy, and how I could never forgive her and how she needed to help a family member whom I had washed my hands of even if I didn’t want her to. And as much as I tried to explain that no one had read my book – well, very few – and that she could help whoever she wanted, it just kept getting worse and worse until she walked away.
After that I kind of just kept my mouth shut. I never mentioned this blog or my next book, Consequence – Book 2 in the Fallacy Trilogy, due out within the next month or two. There were a couple of people who knew about them and asked questions, for which I am ever so grateful because no man is an island, right? We all need support sometimes, right?
This Christmas has made me realize that true, unselfish support is very, very hard to come by, so when we find it we need to cherish and nurture it like it’s a brand new baby. Very few people can get past their own baggage long enough to actually help others. Most can’t even have a conversation without turning it into some kind of awful, awkward, cringe-worthy bitch session.
So while it saddens me that I am once again justified in my choice to not trust people or have many friends, I am also determined to become the type of person that people can talk to with ease. I want the kind of home that when people visit they feel comfortable and welcome and relaxed. I want people to be able to breathe around me and not feel judged or feel the need to defend themselves.
I want to be the type of person I’ve been searching for all these years and rarely found.
Who’s with me?