So I had an “I want it now” moment recently. You know, like the bratty little girl in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I suppose I’m still fighting it because I’m still feeling frustrated and angry. I literally had to fight the urge to stop my foot and scream the other day, which is sooooo attractive right?
The weird part is that I thought I had gotten past most of that. I’ve had to wait for plenty of things since I’ve started down the path of self-awareness and usually I do pretty good. I have a mental talk with myself – never out loud, don’t want my dogs to think I’m crazy – and it’s enough to keep my behavior from spiraling out of control.
So at first I couldn’t figure out why I was having such trouble with this, but as I sit here typing a few things have come to me.
- My battle with impatience is far from over
- I’m starting to reach long-range goals I made decades ago
- The goals I haven’t met yet are within reaching distance – or spitting distance as my father used to say.
But it’s still not fast enough…
For some odd reason I’ve never been one to rest on past accomplishments. I’ve recently begun taking time to appreciate them more, but there’s still this inner gremlin that chants in my head “more, more, more” and “this isn’t enough” and of course “I want it now!” over and over until I’m so stressed out I can’t be around anyone without screaming. It also causes me to give the people who mean the most to me grief when they don’t move as fast as I think they should.
Time is a funny thing – there’s either not enough or too much.
I wonder what perspective I would need in order for there to be just the right amount of time.
Is it possible to become so proficient in time management to never be stressed out about time again?
These are things I think about when I’m channeling my inner Veruca Salt. That and I wonder if my mother was secretly hoping I would become magically self-aware when I first watched Willy Wonka and then apologize for all of my bad behavior. It didn’t happen, or course, but I’m pretty sure the thought was there. That woman did her fair share of damage, but I’m pretty sure I gave and good as I got.
But there’s not much I can do about the past or my childhood. All I know is that I don’t want to be Veruca Salt and in the end I’ll probably have all the time I need (no guarantees, but that’s life) to accomplish most everything I want.
My inner gremlin disagrees, but maybe if I ignore him long enough he’ll go away…